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Review: CROSSBREED (2018)

LOOPHOLE gave us a plot involving a satanic UN intent on world domination. Now CROSSBREED gives us that other staple of conspiracy theorists, The New World Order, and I don’t mean the wrestling clique either. Has InfoWars become the new source of inspiration for low budget screenwriters?

CROSSBREED begins with bursts of text giving us a timeline for World War 3. This is followed by the fall of the superpowers and the rise of The New World Order, and man’s eventual entry into interstellar trade.

The plot involves Adam ‘Boss’ Ryker (Stink Fisher) a former war hero now running a bar on the moon. He must have been a much better soldier than businessman, as the bar is about to be foreclosed on. He’s visited by the US Secretary of Defense (Daniel Baldwin DEATH KISS, LADY PSYCHO KILLER) on orders of President Henricksen (Vivica A. Fox INDEPENDENCE DAY, KILL BILL). They need him to suit back up, put together a team and retrieve a life form known as The Crossbreed seized by bio-terrorists. Of course, things don’t go as planned and The Crossbreed (Devanny Pinn LILITH, BUS PARTY TO HELL) gets loose.

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I don’t know where to start with CROSSBREED. The script from director Brandon Slagle (DEAD SEA, ATTACK OF THE UNKNOWN) and Robert Thompson is, as you can see, a huge pile of clichés. It isn’t just the plot either, the execution is just as bad, terrible “tough guy” dialogue, the team member’s nicknames, the mission going wrong almost from the start, etc. It’s like every DIRTY DOZEN wannabe you’ve ever seen.

An early warning of what to expect turns up before the five-minute mark. Badass merc Murphy (Vernon Wells, COMMANDO, CITY OF GOLD) wraps a chain around his fist and punches some dude in the head. No, blood, no bruising, no marks of any kind, that would have cost too much.

The assorted com devices and whatever other enhancements the crew sport look like plastic model pieces and sunglasses lens glued to their faces. Somebody is sliced up with a machete, there’s CGI blood flying everywhere. But we never see the body, and the blade stays remarkably clean. That’s not low budget, that’s embarrassing.

IMDB lists CROSSBREED as having a 3.5 million dollar budget. If that’s the case, it must have all gone on the CGI for the assorted spacecraft and the alien suit. They must have because they cheaped out on everything else.

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Speaking of the alien, I’m a bit confused as to why Devanny Pinn was cast as the title creature. She’s a talented and good-looking actress, but she gets to show none of that off in the creature suit. They could have cast any mime or stunt person, two fields that, as far as I know, she doesn’t have experience in. The other familiar names have maybe five minutes screen time. These leaves CROSSBREED in the hands of an actor named Stink, who looks like an out of shape Bill Goldberg (SANTA’S SLAY, UNIVERSAL SOLDIER: THE RETURN).

CROSSBREED is the kind of film Fred Olen Ray and others like him churned out in the VHS era. Making this at least a decent diversion should have been a no-brainer. Instead, this is an attempt at a throwback that should indeed be thrown back.

Uncork’d Entertainment will release CROSSBREED On Demand February 5, 2019

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