Slaughterhouse Rulez Poster 1


Despite reuniting Simon Pegg (Shaun Of The Dead, Kill Me Three Times) and Nick Frost (Shaun Of The Dead, Attack The Block), Slaughterhouse Rulez seems to have stayed off of most people’s radar. Which is odd because given the cast and horror comedy plot of a posh English boarding school beset by subterranean monsters, this should have gotten more notice, good or bad. Instead, the second film from Crispian Mills (A Fantastic Fear of Everything and frontman for the band Kula Shaker) seems to have sunk without a trace.

Don (Finn Cole, Peaky Blinders) is a young lad of humble origin who manages to get accepted to the prestigious Slaughterhouse boarding school. He quickly falls for Clemsie (Hermione Corfield, Rust Creek) and afoul of head prefect Clegg (Tom Rhys Harries, Jekyll & Hyde). Pegg plays Meredith Houseman, a housemaster who’s still not over being dumped by Audrey (Margot Robbie, Suicide Squad).

Slaughterhouse Rulez 2

Meanwhile, Woody (Nick Frost) is hanging out in the woods protesting and selling drugs. Why is he protesting? He’s protesting the fracking operation that’s about to unleash a hoard of nasty creatures on the school.

With a cast and plot like this, we should be in for a treat. However, the first half is a weak parody of classic English school films such as If, (complete with an unsubtle picture of Malcolm McDowell from the film). It spreads itself too thin trying to cover everything from class warfare and elitism to the environment to bullying and teen suicide. Nothing is developed enough to really matter, and it all ends up kind of flat.

Slaughterhouse Rulez 2

Things do improve once the creatures show up, but that’s a full an hour into the film’s hour and forty-five minute run time. The effects are well done, and yes, Pegg gets to wield a cricket bat again. But it’s too late in coming. Slaughterhouse Rulez really needed to lose about thirty minutes at the start, get rid of several subplots and get to the action a lot sooner.

Slaughterhouse Rulez is a huge dose of wasted potential. Some might find it worthwhile for the cast and practical effects. I’d advise them to keep the remote close and a finger on the fast-forward button.

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