I’ve seen many a film start with a quote from a philosopher or statesman, The Mummy Reborn begins with a quote from Kanye West. That should have been all I needed to know. But I have a responsibility to you, my readers, so I continued watching, so you wouldn’t have to.

Tina (Tiffany-Ellen Robinson) is in a bind. Her mother died leaving her with the mortgage on the house and her mentally challenged brother Max (Victor Toth). Home care worker Barb (Rita Siddiqui, Pet Graveyard) says she should institutionalize him. The antique store she works at is closing, leaving her jobless. However her boyfriend Luke (Chris Kaye, There’s No Such Thing As Zombies, Edge of Extinction) has an idea, they’ll steal the mummy and priceless jewel from the store and sell it.

We all know what happens next. The Mummy (Will Dodd) vanishes from his coffin and people start meeting violent ends.

Despite the poster, there is no desert and no pyramids. The Mummy Reborn takes place in and around a house in England. The Mummy and his reincarnated love stalk around killing not only those who dared disturb his rest but a bunch of stoned revelers in the woods to elevate the body count. That includes the weakest version of the sleeping bag slammed into a tree kill I’ve ever seen.

Director Dan Allen, working from a script he co-wrote with Scott Jeffery (The House On Elm Lake, Cupid), serves up a film that goes from attempts at serious drama to horror to “I am so sick of these motherfucking mummies on this motherfucking farm.” and a character reading the film’s subtitles.

The Mummy Reborn has no clue what kind of film it wants to be, it’s just a grab bag of scenes strung together in near random order. Jumping mood, tone and genre without a second thought. Maybe if it had played itself as a farce all the way through it might have worked. Instead it feels like they saw the footage from the first couple of days, realized what a dog they had and tried to make it intentionally funny. It didn’t work.

The Mummy himself isn’t to bad looking, somewhat resembling Iron Maiden’s mascot Eddie in bandages. But that’s all this film has going for it. The Mummy Reborn is pretty much stillborn. You might want to skip this and watch Rage Of The Mummy instead.

The Mummy Reborn will be available on VOD and DVD April 4 from High Octane Pictures.

Where to watch The Mummy Reborn