MONSTER: THE PREHISTORIC PROJECT (2015)

Two things should have warned me off of Monster: The Prehistoric Project before I started. First of all, when I looked for background info on it I came up with way more hits on where I could see a bootleg stream of it than I did actual information. And some of that information was that it was written by Carlos Perez (Metal Man, Amityville Vampire) and directed by Lisa Palenica who also gave us Isis Rising: Curse of the Lady Mummy and Atomic Shark.

Two SEALs, (wearing uniforms that say US Coast Guard), Trevor (Sean McClellan) and Doug (J. Lyle, Cowboys Vs. Vampires) are sent to retrieve a top secret package. However, an unseen creature scares them off, leaving the package behind. This is all happening on an island full of Spring Break partiers. Or at least stock footage of them as the cast never interacts with assorted revellers.

We follow a group of vacationers which includes director Lisa Palenica. They wander around randomly, have sex with their undies on, and survive one of those plane crashes that doesn’t leave wreckage or mess up their clothes. They wander around the woods for a bit. We go back to the two SEALS who are still hiding in a barn for a bit. Then back to the spring breakers. Then…

Monster: The Prehistoric Project is a total mess. The effects are a total joke. We get the same shot of what looks like a T-Rex’s legs repeated twice, it’s at least passable. I think the shots of what I think are raptors and another look at the T-Rex looked like outtakes from a SNES game.

There’s zero interaction between the two groups. The SEALs seem to be watching footage shot by the kids. They do shoot one of them. At least I think they do, as nobody else is supposed to be on the island But you don’t see them, you just hear the gunshot and see a horrible CGI bullet hit. Monster: The Prehistoric Project looks like it was filmed in pieces and stitched together in the editing room.

Monster: The Prehistoric Project is a lot of bickering and bad dialogue with occasional effects. Effects so bad they make you miss the bickering. This was released as Jurassic Monster in Germany. But if you want some low-budget dino fun, watch The Jurassic Games or even The Jurassic Dead instead.