TOXIC SHARK (2017)

“This karma is going to come back and bite us on the ass” says one of the characters in the prologue to Toxic Shark. Well, karma must be a badly rendered CGI shark because you know what happens next. And that pretty much sets the tone for the rest of the film.

Reese (Eric Etebari, Never Leave Alive) runs a singles resort in Puerto Rico. He’s got problems. The water smells bad, the fish have disappeared and people are getting sick after vacations there. Worst of all his cook went fishing and hasn’t come back, just as a new batch of guests has arrived. Guests that include Eden (Kabby Borders) and, coincidentally, her ex-boyfriend, Sam (Bryce Durfee). Both chose the same resort to get over each other.

There’s also Zane (Sean Samuels, Attack In LA), the film’s token black bro. Gabby (Cristina Jayo) who gets injured by something in the water and becomes a zombie. There’s also Audra (Christina Masterson, Truth Or Dare, Starfish), Ryan (Owen Saxon) and a bunch of other interchangeable beach bods.

And there’s the shark. It’s really big, really hungry and has been contaminated by toxic waste. Waste it can spit at you like a cobra does. Causing acid burns and/or zombism.

Surprisingly Toxic Shark wasn’t made by The Asylum. It was however made for SyFy so you pretty much know what to expect. Terrible CGI and outrageous moments such as the shark, which can also leap through the air, biting a woman off her horse. Or eating an entire yoga class. And of course lots of drama about whether Sam and Eden will end up back together

Granted the shots of the shark in the water aren’t that bad. But the scenes of it leaping, pretty much flying at times, are laughably bad. And the zombies on an island idea is almost totally unused. That could have added the menace that Toxic Shark badly needed. Director Cole Sharpe and writer Ashley O’Neil (Lavalantula, Earthtastrophe) really jumped the shark there.

Thankfully, Toxic Shark isn’t as relentlessly stupid as the Sharknado films. But it’s still nothing more than watchable. I’ll gladly take vintage sharksploitation such as Great White or Mako: Jaws Of Death over this any day.

Toxic Shark is available to stream and on DVD.

Where to watch Toxic Shark