Despite all the films about them killer scarecrows seem to be hard to make frightening so I viewed Scarecrow’s Revenge with a healthy dose of skepticism. However, it did come from the UK, the country that gave us the surprisingly good Scareycrows so I decided to give it a chance. If I had known its original title was Scarecrow Vs. Vikings, I might have changed my mind again.
In the year of 802 somewhere in Northern England a farmer and his daughter are killed by a scythe-wielding scarecrow. The film then pops back to 810 when Henrik (Peter Cosgrove, Cannibal Farm, Spirits In The Dark) and some friends decide to abduct a couple of Viking maidens. This doesn’t end well for them as most of them end up dead. Henrik has the added humiliation of getting kicked in the nuts by Lisbeth (Kelly Juvilee) as she escapes. He is placed out in a field like a living scarecrow.
Of course, he doesn’t stay there for long and cuts a deal with The Witch (Kate Milner Evans, Pet Graveyard). In return for his soul, he is transformed into a near-unstoppable demonic scarecrow. As the townsfolk are killed off one by one it falls on Greta (Sarah T. Cohen, The Viking War) the chief’s daughter to defeat the creature.
It’s hard to know where to start with Scarecrow’s Revenge because there is so much wrong with it. Costumes with chromed eyelets and belt buckles. Obviously modern plastic hair ornaments and store-bought sandals are everywhere. The Scarecrow even wields a modern axe. There’s not even an attempt to hide it. Which shows how little the filmmakers cared about the finished product.
Not that accurate costumes and props would have helped much. Scarecrow’s Revenge has some of the lamest sword fights I’ve ever seen. With weapons waved about by a cast that doesn’t look the least bit Nordic. These Vikings must have had several generations of intermarriage with the locals to look so English. There’s not even any point in the characters being Vikings. Apart from uttering lines like “In Odin’s name tell me what happened!” and “We’re Vikings not savages” it plays no part in the story.
Instead, writer Tom Jolliffe (Cyber Bride) and director Louisa Warren (Tooth Fairy, Curse of the Scarecrow) serve up a dull slasher film. The kind where we’re told how awful the carnage is but never see it. The kind where weapons don’t get blood on them ever after stabbing an off-screen victim multiple times. And the final girl’s past holds a terrible, and in this case obvious, secret.
Scarecrow’s Revenge is an utter disaster. There is nothing to even momentarily redeem it, no gore, no skin and it’s not even good to laugh at. This is about as bad as it gets.
Scarecrow’s Revenge is available to stream via ITN.