Jurassic Shark 2: Aquapocalypse is a Mark Polonia (Virus Shark, Shark Encounters of the Third Kind) directed sequel to a nine-year-old Brett Kelly (Konga TNT, Ouija Shark) film that’s currently rocking a 1.5 rating on IMDB. So I had a good idea of what to expect before I sat down to watch it. Especially as the sequel had a matching 1.5 rating.
As Jurassic Shark 2 opens the Megalodon from the first film is still around and still hungry. This is not good news for the company running the drilling rig it keeps circling. A rig so advanced it seems to only need four people to run it. On the plus side, it did eat three art thieves, (off-screen of course), leaving a missing painting for a couple of idiots to go looking for.
Jurassic Shark 2: Aquapocalypse opens with a scene that will tell everything you need to know about the film. In a prologue set fifty million years ago, we watch a badly animated shark leap from the water to put the bite on an even worse animated T Rex. If this doesn’t make you turn it off then, like me, you have nobody to blame but yourself for the brain cells you’re about to lose.
The CGI in Jurassic Shark 2 is horrible, even by Mark Polonia standards. The shark looks more like something that swam out of a cheap computer game from the 1990s than anything else. Hell, it makes the effects in Chinese monster movies like Cockroach Tide look good. The exploding oil rig and assorted muzzle flashes are even worse.
For a shark attack film, there are damn few shark attacks in Jurassic Shark 2. And when we do get one it’s usually either a rapid montage of GCI shark jaw and screaming victim overlaid with CGI blood or simply blood in the water. We do get two reasonably decent severed limbs washing up on shore but that’s it for practical effects.
There’s also the usual hysterically mismatched location footage. There’s stock footage of vacationers on a long, sandy beach. We see a victim wade into the water from a rocky cove on a different beach. But the scenes with the film’s main cast were obviously shot by an inland lake surrounded by woods. Just like the oil rig we see in long shots is nothing like the building we see in close-up. Judging by the boiler room we see Polonia regular Jeff Kirkendall (Return to Splatter Farm, Natasha Nighty’s Boudoir of Blood) in I’m fairly sure it’s the same school used as a location in Frozen Sasquatch and other films.
Writer Aaron Drake gives us the most entertainment to be found in Jurassic Shark 2: Aquapocalypse with dialogue like this exchange “The drilling has to continue!” “In case you hadn’t noticed, the rig has been destroyed.” “A minor setback!”. I don’t know if it was meant to, but it sure gave me a good laugh.
I could keep piling on the criticism, all of it deserved, this is Mark Polonia at his worst. But the most damning criticism may well come from the film’s own distributor. Despite being a current release Jurassic Shark 2 is copyright 2019 by Wild Eye Releasing. If it took a company like Wild Eye two years to work up the courage to release it you know it’s got to suck.
Jurassic Shark 2: Aquapocalypse is available to stream or as a digital download from Wild Eye Releasing. Honestly, though you’re better off watching Swim. The effects are at least a bit better, and since it’s on Tubi, it’s free.