Sheroes (2023) Review
Sheroes, the writing and directing debut of producer Jordan Gertner (The Virgin Suicides, The Killer Inside Me) begins with a look into the lives of its four leads Diamond (Sasha Luss, Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets, Shattered), Ezra (Isabelle Fuhrman, The Last Thing Mary Saw, Down a Dark Hall), Ryder (Wallis Day, Hollyoaks, Infinite) and Daisy (Skai Jackson, G.I. Joe: Retaliation, The Watsons Go to Birmingham).
Their lives are so hard that all of them end up exclaiming “This is such fucking bullshit” at the misery of private yoga lessons by the pool, selling art in an upscale gallery, being an actress or a professional skateboarder. You really feel bad for these poor young ladies and totally understand their need to jump on Diamond’s father’s private jet and fly to his villa in Thailand for a booze and drug fueled vacation.
Complications and cliches ensue when one of their suitcases is accidentally switched with one full of cocaine. Which they proceed to snort the hell out of only to wake up the next morning to find Daisy missing and a message saying they need to return the drugs if they want to see her alive. This is when things really get stupid.
The first half hour of Sheroes will probably appeal to the audience that watches Keeping Up with the Kardashians and whatever “Real Housewives of…” show happens to be on. It’s a parade of mansions, exotic cars, and four rich leads so detached from reality that they think nothing of wandering down a dark alley in Thailand to buy drugs. Luckily for them, Jasper (Jack Kesy, Death Wish, The Weapon), their jet’s pilot, turns up to save them.
That close call makes their decision to indulge in the coke that turns up even more unbelievable, but logic has no place in this film. As we soon see when rather than returning the drugs or involving the cops they decide to rescue her themselves. Their qualifications for this mission? Diamond’s daddy is an action movie star so she knows all about such things. And the villa has a massive stockpile of weapons and a 3D printer. Who needs training when you have all that?
Sheroes frequently drops references to other, much better genre films. Diamond orders a vodka martini, shaken, not stirred, and at another point, they answer a call from the cartel with Liam Neeson’s “Certain set of skills” speech from Taken. But for all the winks and nods to these films, the filmmakers seem to have no idea how to actually make an action film and those references remind the viewer of that.
If it was actually funny I’d say Gertner was trying to make a parody of the genre, especially female fronted films like Charlie’s Angels. But Sheroes never actually made me laugh, or even grin, despite the absurdity of these girls getting one day’s worth of training and taking down a cartel encampment. It feels more like sloppy writing when Daisy, who was held captive and missed that training, suddenly becomes lethal with a rocket launcher.
And, as a final fuck you to the audience, there really isn’t all that much action in Sheroes. A chase scene, a ludicrous fight between Ryder and a huge underground fighting champion, and the final underwhelming rescue mission, even by low-budget standards that’s not a lot. But we do get seemingly endless shots of the girls doing shots, drinking from a bottle while underwater, etc. Maybe if had taken a drink every time they did the film would have seemed better.